how you wonder who you'll be


Priscilla. A writer, a psychologist wannabe, a student. Hopeless romantic. Pisces. Content.

"The thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too.” - Katie Bates



© * étoile filante
inspiration/colours: mintyapple
icons: cablelines
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title: Moved
date: Tuesday, May 18, 2010
time:3:39 PM
Blog that is.

If you're still interested in reading my blog, go check out:

That's where I'll be. :)

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title: Hail Storm!
date: Monday, March 08, 2010
time:5:44 PM
title: Random
time:3:34 PM
Disclaimer: Not meant to offend anyone!

In Psychology class today, while discussing about what intelligent people (the examples included Mozart and Einstein) have in common:

Naoto: They all die young.

Jorge: That's why Japanese live for such a long time.


Everybody broke out laughing, including Naoto. The lecturer looked at us like we were all nuts. We weren't, we were just tired from doing HOI essay.


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title: Life's fun little moments
time:11:09 AM
Moment #1

I knew that indonesian was offered as a subject here in Australia, but I never thought I'd know anyone who actually learned it. Then Jess - one of my PW friends - went on msn "gah, I need to do an essay in Indo" and I was like 0_0. And it turned out she's been taking Indonesian since grade 3! She's in grade 12! O_O

Moment #2:

Just when I thought a certain friend *coughmargarethcough* had forgotten about me, she texted me in the middle of the night to say happy belated birthday. Two weeks late, but I was still happy anyway.

Moment #3:

Been home alone for almost a week, and strangely enough I'm enjoying it. I like doing things at my own pace, it turns out. Except for the part where Dixon starts talking about ghosts. *glares* Oh, and the chores part.

Moment #4:

Whenever I get to chat on msn with thania, mag, nit, feli, chel and stella. Or any other good friends from high school really. Sometimes it's like we're still talking everyday. True we have to catch up on the topics, but it's great when you just fall into place together.

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date: Friday, February 19, 2010
time:8:01 PM

You wait, little girl, on an empty stage

For fate to turn the light on

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title: Something Worth Fighting For
time:7:34 PM
It's not all fun and games.

Hell no. This is fast track after all. We do a year worth of work in eight months. We juggle 3 essays, a drama performance, and a presentation. Some do it like a pro, and others (like me) flail and moan and proscrastinate and go into panics, but pull through anyway. At least, I hope I'll pull through. Sometimes it feels like swimming through an ocean; one day you've got your head above water and the current's not dragging you down, but other times you kick and fight to keep from drowning.

Yes, I like the classes. The lessons still hold my attention and I don't dread school. But assignments? They're an entirely different story.

I have a terrible habit of lying back once I've got good scores, and I know it. Which is why I'm trying to keep myself on track, making sure I don't rely on those scores I've already got. They only count for 35% at most after all, and I'm aware of it. I just have to find my drive again, and I think I know what it is.

This time I'm fighting for myself.

This time this is for me. Sure, I'd like to make my family proud and show that being here, the second option, is not a mistake. That I can be in a place so completely new and not fall apart like a porcelain doll. That I'm not a baby. But above all I want it for me. I want to get into Psychology. I want to be here. And I want to pass with flying colours.

I just have to tell myself that all the time.

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title: Reportsss
date: Tuesday, January 19, 2010
time:6:06 PM
Term 1 reports are out! And I am pretty happy about it. There's that tiny feeling of disappointment about not getting those spectacular marks, but I did well. That's enough for now. And the comments are my favourite part:

"Priscilla performed exceptionally well in the Semester 1 exam (93%). Not only has she demonstrated an excellent understanding of the course material, but she is always on time to class and participates in all activities and discussions."

"Priscilla is an intelligent and thoughtful student who is performing well in this course."
"Priscilla is a pleasure to have in class. She asks good questions and participates well in activities
and discussions. Priscilla is a capable and hard-working student. Her first essay result was good,
and shows that she is well on the way to developing important academic skills of written expression and critical analysis."

This is the second time I'm looking at my reports with a smile on my face. Really. I used to be very disappointed when I look at my report in high school. And mind you, I didn't get 93% on any finals in high school. Except maybe English.
Now I'm just counting everything and hoping I have the grades to get into Arts. I think I do though, so now I just have to see if I can get enough for a scholarship. It's a really long shot, but I wouldn't know if I don't try, would I?

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title: Housemates
date: Monday, January 18, 2010
time:7:46 PM

So here's another perk of living in a homestay: housemates.
Well so far I've only lived with two, but they're pretty interesting to live with. One girl was from Oman, and she was a character, for lack of better word. She's funny and interesting to talk to, and the different culture contributed to some intriguing conversations. I'd never even consider marrying my cousins, but apparently she's allowed to, even encouraged.
She was pretty preoccupied with finals for a good portion of the time, and she was quite stressed, but we had some good talk. She's gone back to her home now, and I'm not sure if or when she'll be back.

At the moment though, I'm living with a Japanese girl (woman?), Azusa. She's twenty-five - though she looks eighteen to me - and very sweet. She's much better at chopping parsleys than I am, and despite the language barrier, we get along. Trying to understand what she says gets funny sometimes, and I like how she's always taking pictures of things. She wrote a lovely Christmas card for me last December and gave me Japanese snacks, which I loved. I bought her two packs of Lindt's chocolate, which she loved too.
She cooks too! And last Sunday she cooked Japanese rice cakes and soy sauce soup for us (see pictures). Did you know every year some people in Japan die from choking on rice cakes? Apparently you have to chew carefully, otherwise it'll get stuck in your throat.
I chewed very carefully, and my jaw was pretty stiff in the end.
It was quite delicious though. And I wish she didn't have to move so fast. But as it is, I'll be saying goodbye to her two weeks from now. :( There'll be another girl coming - I'm guessing another Japanese - and I hope I'll get along with her like I do with the others.


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title: and the reason is you
date: Friday, January 15, 2010
time:5:19 PM

'Love and fear. Everything the father of a family says must inspire one or the other' - Joseph Joubert

There's a very good reason why I'm not in a rush to go home.

Why is it that everytime I think of my own dad, it's often the latter that takes over me? I think over everything I say before I say it outloud because I'm afraid he'll take it the wrong way and the simple chat would turn into something disastrous. I constantly second guess myself. Would this be good enough? Would he approve? If I say this or do that, would I be good enough? I don't say what I feel because he doesn't understand, never did, and I'm tired of trying. Tired of him lecturing when all I need is a laugh or a bit of consoling. So now I don't talk. Not to him, not to someone who reminds me of him, and not to those I don't know well. Hell, even my best friends don't know everything.

The only reason I'd cry here is because of home, but not because of homesickness. I wonder if part of me being happy here is because I'm far from home. News from home don't always soothe me; they worry me more often than not. I feel so much older than eighteen sometimes, and I hate it. I know I'm strong, but not always, and I don't always want to be.

I spoke to Linda - my host mum - about how I'm constantly worrying about how he'd react to whatever I tell him, and she said, "I'd think you're self-possessed enough to not let your dad get to you."

I wish.

Don't get me wrong. I love my dad like every child would. He works hard for us, he makes sure we're well taken care of, and he loves us. But like most children, we don't have the best relationship. I just want to feel like I'm good enough. I don't want to feel like a damn disappointment every other day. That's not too much to ask, is it?

"I'm just saying parents screw up. It's what they're good at. They do." - Tibby, The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

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title: Heatwave
date: Monday, January 11, 2010
time:5:07 PM

It's freaking hot today.

45 degrees. It keeps going up 2 degrees since the first forecast. It was still supposed to be 41 on Saturday.
So the water sprayer my host mum gave me for Christmas comes in handy after all. I'm sitting under the fan spraying cool water on my face. XD It helps. Doesn't stop the heat, but it helps.
Where's the rain when you need one?


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