You wait, little girl, on an empty stage

For fate to turn the light on

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It's not all fun and games.

Hell no. This is fast track after all. We do a year worth of work in eight months. We juggle 3 essays, a drama performance, and a presentation. Some do it like a pro, and others (like me) flail and moan and proscrastinate and go into panics, but pull through anyway. At least, I hope I'll pull through. Sometimes it feels like swimming through an ocean; one day you've got your head above water and the current's not dragging you down, but other times you kick and fight to keep from drowning.

Yes, I like the classes. The lessons still hold my attention and I don't dread school. But assignments? They're an entirely different story.

I have a terrible habit of lying back once I've got good scores, and I know it. Which is why I'm trying to keep myself on track, making sure I don't rely on those scores I've already got. They only count for 35% at most after all, and I'm aware of it. I just have to find my drive again, and I think I know what it is.

This time I'm fighting for myself.

This time this is for me. Sure, I'd like to make my family proud and show that being here, the second option, is not a mistake. That I can be in a place so completely new and not fall apart like a porcelain doll. That I'm not a baby. But above all I want it for me. I want to get into Psychology. I want to be here. And I want to pass with flying colours.

I just have to tell myself that all the time.

Labels: thoughts, Trinity

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