Labels: friends

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So Melbourne's got a holiday for the Melbourne Cup, aka horse racing. How awesome is that? I have zero interest in horse races, but it's fun to see people wearing fancy clothes - girls with their dresses and hats and guys in sharp suits. And they were on the trams and trains too. XD

Most importantly though, I get Monday and Tuesday off. Just in time for a busy week too: I've got a Media and Communication assignment, Lit test, and Math practice test (meaning the mark doesn't count toward our final grade). Don't forget the History of Idea essay had just been announced as well. I'm slightly nervous, because this means school is really kicking into gear. I've seen relatives and housemate suffering under the final exams stress, I just hope my time won't come just yet.

Speaking of relatives, I hung out with cousins and niece last Saturday. It was nice; their being here is one of the reasons I'm not crying my eyes out for home. Still, I didn't say much. I am quiet by default, I'll admit that. But I can be talkative. Those who are closest to me will tell you that. So I'm guessing I'm not that comfortable around them just yet.

Sunday was spent hanging with friends. Had to get up earlier than my normal hour on weekend to go to St. Kilda's beach with a quarter of the intake. Not really worth it. Too windy, boring, nothing special. But afterwards, my friends and I headed back to the city and had Hungry Jack for lunch. Nothing like a good burger on a Sunday I guess. And the day got better when we went to Harbour Town, a nice shopping center at Dockland. Diana seemed very happy, and it was fun. The boys seemed to enjoy it too, though I think Dixon looked a bit bored. =P We might go back again one day, because the shops were getting ready to close down by the time we got there, and Candy didn't come with us.

Today was spent a bit more... productively, I guess. Went to the library with the gang to study, and actually did some studying. So proud of myself about that. :) The day went downhill after that, when I'm stuck in a gathering where everyone speaks a language I don't understand. If I had known, I wouldnt' have gone. It was just uncomfortable and unpleasant, feeling very much left out, even though they didn't intend to do it. But the day ended on a good note, having dinner in a Chinese restaurant with my friends, sharing food and joking. Candy said it reminded her of her home (in a good sense, not in a I'm-suddenly-homesick kind of way), and I kinda felt the same.

Tomorrow, Melbourne Cup's day, will be spent revising. That's the plan anyway, and I do want to stick to it. Wish me luck!

Labels: family, food, friends, melbourne, Trinity

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So... Been very busy. Not busy as in "oh God, I have absolutely no time to relax" busy, but life has been very eventful.








Also went out with my sis to Sutos. Ate at Frankfurter Hotdog, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite eating spots. I love the sausages. =D My sister has all the pics.


Tuesday: Hung out with Michelle and Anita at GM. FUN!

Wednesday: Hung out again, but this time at Sutos. Ate Frankfurter again, because I succesfully lured them into it. *insert evil laugh here* And then Michelle had to leave to get her teeth pulled out (by a dentist of course), so Anita and I talked while eating ice cream at Gelare. Good ice cream, even better talk. Yet to ask the pictures from Michelle.

Today: I'm supposed to go to Alfalink to take care of stuffs, but I have to wait because the AC is going to be repaired today and the people who have to repair has yet to come. Gahh.

Labels: family, food, friends, school

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Yes, I haven't practiced cooking. But I have cleaned. This morning, I rolled up my sleeve and borrowed the mop and the broom and started sweeping and mopping my room. Don't know how clean it is, but it's a good exercise.

It's raining... I sort of like moments like this; it's calm and cold and overall peaceful. As long as it doesn't storm, I'm good.

Anyway, went to Thania's house last Friday and we compiled a list of qualities guys should have to be worthy of us. =P Will post my list later, but it definitely got me thinking. I've had that sort of list ever since I started seeing boys as... boys, but I've never quite fallen for the guys with traits I've listed. I just... fell. My heart never lets me choose. It chooses for itself.

*is mushy*

Still, though I won't be very picky about it, I'll stick to my criteria. To be honest, I'm not that worried about being single, but I'd love to fall in love again. It's always a great feeling when it's right, and I miss that.

Labels: cleaning, friends, L.O.V.E

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Labels: food, friends, school

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March began with two of my best friends getting a boyfriend. It was all wonderful, and pretty funny, since all four of my friends got together with their boyfriends in March. We dubbed it our month of love.

And then March ends with another two of my best friends breaking up with their boyfriends. On the same day.

But that is not my story to tell. *channeling Aslan*

Here’s my story: I feel like there are these thin fracture lines on me and at any moment I could just crack into a million little pieces. Everything I have learnt in the past three years just swam around in my head and I can’t seem to fish out the necessary information when I need them. It really sucks because I do need to get at least 75 on it, and I can’t imagine not graduating. I’d rather die.

*sighs* There goes my monster again. One of these days I might just name her, like Beyonce and Sasha Fierce.

Moving on to a lighter subject, my parents bought me a watch yesterday. It’s a cute piece from Swatch, silver with a streak of pink and three little butterflies dangling from the band. They said it would last longer than my old watches – it should; it was a lot more expensive – and I could bring it when I start college.

(I was going to type ‘when I move to Singapore’ and thought better of it. Better not to count my eggs before they hatch.)

I’ve already got myself a potential roommate if I move to Singapore. Amanda already secured a scholarship from NAFA, and it’s a good idea to start a new life with a friend around, so yeah. She’s going to be my roommate. Of course, there’s the matter of picking an apartment that would suit us both, but that will have to wait until I hear from NUS. I keep reminding myself that there’s a big possibility they would say no, and I don’t want to watch my plans fall apart, so I try not to get too excited about it right now.

Still, The Secret said it’s a good idea to keep picturing what you want and being grateful for it as if you already had it, so I keep picturing myself living in Singapore. It worked once, it could work again.

Labels: friends, school

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When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
And know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far
And no they won't forget

 

Three years seem to pass in a blink of an eye. All of the sudden it’s the last day of high school. We’ve still got exams before we get to graduations, but this was the last day I study in this class, in this school. My days as a high school kid is numbered, and I’m scared. I’m scared to think about whether or not I’ll get into NUS, whether or not these friends I’ve made are still going to be around when I’m gone, whether or not I’ll be able to survive ‘the real world’. As if this isn’t real.

I’m still praying that I get into NUS. I know my chances are slim, and there are people out there who are way way smarter than me, but I owe this to my parents, to myself. I’ve studied harder than I ever have, my parents have worked so hard every day and every night, and I don’t want to let anyone of us down. All these plans we’ve made, I want to live them.

Anyway, this wasn’t a bad last day. It was full of laughter, for one. Everyone was taking pictures with just about everyone; I don’t think anyone was that interested in the lessons today. :P *will post pics when I have more time* Some kids (coughstellacough) got a bit emotional when the teachers won’t stop reminding us that this was the last day they will be teaching us, and some kept regretting that we have to leave high school soon.

Me? I still don’t feel like this is goodbye. Maybe when they hand the diploma or when I stand in the airport, saying goodbye, that I would start getting emotional.

I mean, I’m a crier; I would tear up at sad movies, when Oprah is having a particularly heartfelt scene and I’m feeling all gooey, when I get a horrible grades…. Hell, I even tear up when I watch the first half of HSM 3. But I didn’t shed a single tear when I said goodbye to Feli, not even when everyone else was bawling their eyes out. It wasn’t that I wasn’t upset about it, I guess it’s more that I’ve prepared for the goodbyes long before we actually say it, so long in fact that I didn’t feel the need to cry anymore when it actually happened. Maybe it’s going to be the same when I graduate.

I don’t know.

The highlights of my high school years: making it into the science class (though it turns out to be much harder than I suspected), getting a spot in the writer’s workshop and then getting my short stories published, my seventeenth birthday, making seventeenth birthday surprises and presents for Michelle, Anita, Feli, and Stella, the first half of eleventh grade – when ignorance was total bliss, choosing colleges and discussing majors with my friends – a discussion that felt like it would never end, studying for the university entrance test – not the actual studying, but the constant support from my wonderful friends, and the day my parents gave their full blessing for my choice of major and gaining their confidence in my ability to write.

There are thousands more, little moments and jokes that would always make me smile, but these are my favourites. Hopefully there are more of those where I’m going.

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believe that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

Labels: family, friends, goodbye, graduation, school

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When you think of the time
We spend growing up together
Do you find it dull?
Or do you still laugh at the jokes we made?

If I see you ten years from now,
Would you think I’m silly
for bringing up the jolly old times?
Or would you smile tenderly at them?

Remember that striped pants I had?
That crazy magenta shade of your hair?
The tears we cried, the broken hearts?
The songs we sang, the wide-eyed wonders?

When I see you ten years from now,
I’ll recall every ordinary miracles we made,
That frail hand you broke when we were three
And those mushy dreams we longed for

It’s time to fly, yet we’re holding on
To the precious past and the wild hope
That we shouldn’t leave this place
That we can stay the same forever

I won’t cry and you shouldn’t
I’ll see you again before the ten years end
And even if you forget how funny we could be
I’ll remember, forever.



This was sort of dedicated to my best friends, though not everyone read it, but I did think of them while writing this. :P Don't laugh, okay?

Labels: friends, poetry

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To my awesome friends, thank you so much for the present! I was so not expecting it, and I really love it. So thank you again, I’m definitely going to use them. *hugs*

That was definitely the highlight of the day, since it was fairly ordinary. But it was a good day though, despite the fact that the tryout marks are announced and mine are totally pathetic. Still, today is a good day so far.

I really need to get a better grade, or I might just kiss my Trinity Fast Track year goodbye. So I proposed a studying session/challenge to Amanda, Stella, and Margareth. Each day we’re going to pick a subject and a certain number of questions to be answered. The next day we’re going to compare the result, and whoever fails to reach the goal will have to treat us with that crunchy mushroom snack in the cafeteria. We’re doing Physics today, which is one of my better subjects, I think, but it’s still a struggle.

This is going to be fun. And I’m not being sarcastic. Not really.

Labels: birthday, friends, school

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I’m posting this from Windows Live Writer, downloaded yesterday. Hopefully this works. ^_^

Labels: friends, school

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Saturday - went to TP with the girls to celebrate our birthdays (Michelle's, mine, and Anita's). It was a bit weird at first, considering that they all brought their boyfriends - Mag/Hansel, Anita/Tommy, Michelle/Andrew, Jerry/Grace - but it was alright. We ate at XO Suki, watched Pink Panther, and talked a bit. The problem with hanging out in a large group is that you don't get to really talk to one another. You joke, pass the food around, and make small talks, but that's all there is. I'm more of a small-gathering sort of girl, so it was just okay for me.

Took some pics, but they're still in Mag's phone. I'll post them when I get them.

Sunday - bathed Mickey. Poor thing was shivering the whole time, but he didn't try to run or bite. He stood quite still until we finished, and then he shook the water all off on us. =P

Monday - had an elegant breakfast courtesy of my mom. Omelette, french toast, bacon, she made them all. Then Dad showed me how to cook veggies; first lesson out of many, I suspect. But it was sort of fun. Times with Dad are always fun when he's in a good mood.

Anyway, took another quiz today: Your Passion Style.

You mix passion with pragmatism

Key Traits: open, sensitive, balanced, empathetic, loyal, thoughtful
Introspective and self-aware, you have a solid grip on your emotions. Your
friends and family consider you "the rock" they can turn to and lean on during
tough times. Part of that trust comes from the fact that you always try your
best to say what you mean and mean what you say. This is part of your healthy
outlook on life, love and work. Hard work is important, but remember to listen
to your instinct when it tells you to take a step back and enjoy the quiet
moments. There are certain things that you will always be passionate about,
whether it's a certain cuisine, a type of music, or a particular sport. On the
flipside, there are also things that will never interest you. But that's OK.
Your romantic partner appreciates your unwavering sensibility, your balanced
temperament, and consistent signs of love and care.

No idea how true that is. What do you think?

Labels: family, friends, quiz, weekend

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Mickey

I got him by coincidence. Last Sunday, we were going to take my sister to her piano exam when suddenly this little dog bolted into our house, crawled under the car, and refused to budge. It took us almost an hour to persuade him to come out. We suspect he was dognapped, because there was this suspicious-looking guy in front of the house, claiming Mickey (as we decided to call him) was his. But when we told him to call the dog, he refused and left. I think he was the dognapper.

Either way, Mickey's living in our house now. He's still a bit jumpy, but he likes to snuggle up to me now. Which is so cute and adorable, but I end up smelling like him. :P My aunt makes it clear that he's mine and my sister's; we're the one responsible for him. It's a tad harder than I thought, but it's kinda fun. ^_^

Labels: friends, graduation, mickey, school

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These past few days had been hell for me. Heck, it had been hell for everyone. The preparation for the play demanded much more time and energy than I thought and, more than once, I wanted nothing more than to bite someone's head off or crawl under my cover and not wake up. I was this close to be the bitch who would not hesitate tell her sick friend to suck it up and come to practice no matter what. I was tense, short-tempered, panicky, and probably hated (and was hated by) some of my own teammates.

In short, the monster reared its ugly head.

But it's all over. We performed this morning; had to wait for almost an hour for the sound guy to arrive (I had no idea if he ever arrived or not, but I still think we paid them for nothing), Margareth had several accidents, and the music was all wrong toward the end (I should've made sure Stella knew her cue), but it turned out pretty okay. Whatever. All that matters is that it's all over now.

YAY!!

On a lighter note, I'm eighteen now. Doesn't feel that different than being seventeen, but we'll see. ;) I had an okay birthday. Mum cooked the whole day, and we had to go shopping for the ingredients which was pretty fun. Dad was in a good mood the whole weekend too, which is always a good thing, and he cooked too. And I got to eat ice cream both times we went out. I'm happily stuffed.

I didn't get any gifts, but it's alright. I can't think of anything I want that you could buy here (though I do have a wish list up on Facebook, but most of them are frivolous things), and my friends are way too busy to put together something special, so I totally understand. =) Mum said she'd buy me a pair of real earrings, unlike the plastic ones I currently own, and maybe some of the things I might need when I actually leave for uni, wherever that may be.

Which reminded me that this might be my last birthday here. *sighs*

Oh well, at least it was a good one.

Labels: birthday, eighteen, family, food, friends, monster, school

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A day late, but I finally narrowed down my list of favorite love songs. In random order:

The Way - Clay Aiken
Because You Live - Jesse McCartney
You Found Me - Kelly Clarkson
What Makes You Different - Backstreet Boys
Things I'll Never Say - Avril Lavigne
Everything I Have - Clay Aiken
I'd Lie - Taylor Swift
Best of Me - Blue
Some Hearts - Carrie Underwood
Bubbly - Colbie Caillat
Realize - Colbie Caillat
Always Be My Baby - David Cook
I Won't Say (I'm In Love) [The Hercules soundtrack version]
Take My Breath Away - Emma Bunton
Why Can't I - Liz Phair
True- Ryan Cabrera
Come What May - Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman

There are lots more, but these are the songs I would never get tired of.

The highlight of my Valentine: chatting with Anita and Feli on msn. Teasing each other about guys, laughing and joking, talking about school... It's almost like Feli never left. Almost. =p But it was all fun. Though I pretend to be strong about it, it'd be horrible when we all have to leave for unis.

I realized something yesterday. If all my friends have boyfriends and I'm the only one who is single, it won't be the 'single' part that I will be worried about. I don't mind being single. It will be the part where they choose the boyfriends over the best friend, which I know from experience will happen at some point despite what they all say. But I guess I could understand. For some, it's studs over duds, and there's nothing I can do about that.

Labels: friends, love songs

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NUS test is over at last. It’s a relief, and I don’t have to worry about it until April. I don’t know how well I did, but I don’t want to dwell on it. It’s done; I did the best that I could, and now I can only hope that my best is enough.

I would like to thank all of my wonderful friends for the well-wishes and the supports. It meant the world to me, and it kept me calm. Honestly, I didn’t panic at all during the tests. I got nervous before I entered the room and got a little scatterbrained during the essays, but I was calm. So thanks, you guys. I love you all. =) If I fail, give me a big hug and tell me it’s going to be fine, okay?

That might be over, but school is still as demanding as ever. I had two tests this morning, both of which I probably failed since I didn’t study at all yesterday. I got home at midnight and immediately hit the bed. I would’ve skipped school, but I didn’t want to have to take the tests alone, and Mum said it was okay if I failed this time. =P We’re going to perform the play and aerobic next week. Just thinking about all of the work we have to do exhausts me. Hopefully it won’t be as difficult as it seems to be.

Labels: friends, NUS, school

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Gaby and me

Labels: friends, school, yearbook

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This week feels like it would never end. Three exams in a row, the play getting graded tomorrow, homework, NUS… The list goes on. It seems like we’re not going to catch a break until Sunday and Monday, which is the Lunar New Year. Don’t think I’ll get loads of money this year, but hey, school’s out, so I’m not complaining.

Anyway, today is Michelle’s eighteenth birthday. The girls and I gave her the first present we bought together (practically raced to the bakery after school to be able to give it to her in time). Anita is planning on her own gift, and Mag, Stella, and I are planning some things too. One of them is going to take some time, but I’m sure I can finish it before we graduate. ^_^

Gah, I still need to work on my speech for the Indonesian exam. My topic is ‘Suicide among Teenagers’, but I’m thinking of changing it into ‘Depression’. Both are rather dark, but there’s a lot to talk about. I just need to do a bit of research first.

So looking forward to Sunday.

Labels: friends, school

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It’s only the second day of school, and already the assignments are piling up. Ugh. February’s especially looking to be rather gloom, or at least crazily exhausting, since it’s the month where most of the practical exams are going to take place. >_<

Oh, and guess what? The channeling-Mother-Teresa thing isn’t working at all. I don’t even want to talk about it – it’ll give me migraine – but let’s just say when it comes to group assignments, today is just not my lucky day. It’s pretty good, with the girls joking around and me actually getting some work done, but the script is still waiting to be written and I’ve yet to study for the ‘big test’. Not to mention I want to work on my writing but know that I should put it aside in favors of my academic stuffs because I don’t want to fail my parents again.

But you know what? I think I might pull through. I will make it through; barely, maybe, with many tears, sweat, and blood, but I will make it.

Labels: 2009, bad day, friends, oprah, resolutions

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Well, the holiday’s over, so now I’m back home. It’s a little strange, saying I’m back home. When the holiday starts and I go to my parents’ house, it’s also ‘back home’ for me. My friend once pointed this out to me, but I can’t remember who. =P

Back in the city also means back to school. It’s nice, seeing everyone again. No one’s changed too drastically; a haircut here and there, some new rumours, but nothing too drastic. What not nice is getting up at five thirty in the morning and actually sitting through the lessons. And don’t forget that annoying classmate. Some people should have ‘I will learn to shut up’ or ‘I will try to be less self-centered this year’ on their resolution.

This semester already looks to be one of those semesters that just seem to fly by. Big exams lie ahead, including the entrance examination for NTU, which makes me dread my birthday more and more each day. And there are the practical exams, which is possibly more alarming than the written one. I just wish I didn’t have to work with that said annoying classmate. *sighs* I pride myself in being a pretty patient person, but Mother Teresa is probably the only person who would be able to tolerate him smilingly.

Maybe I should start channeling Mother Teresa for now. I won’t have to deal with him again in a couple of months anyway (here’s hoping I won’t ever see him in college). I do have more important matters in mind. Like the fact that I only have four months left in high school, and that though I know things might change and people grow apart, I still wish that, when I get married, my best friends would be there to tease me, that my bridesmaid may be the girl I know since I was nine. Or the fact that once I set out into the ‘real’ world, I might not be able to live as a writer and have to find a ‘real’ job.

So much for positive thinking.

Labels: friends, home, reflection, school

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There’s a monster living inside me. It stays in the darkest corner of my heart, dormant until it’s time to awake. Like a Dementor, it feeds on negative emotions: anger, jealousy, sadness. Everyone has one, I know, but lately mine has been out of control.

It’s eating me alive. It’s putting dark thoughts in my head, making me feel worthless, unloved, pushing and pulling until I fall apart. I try not to listen to it, I try to think of better things, but sometimes there’s nothing I could do but succumb to it. I hide it well; no one see it unless I let myself break in front of them. My friends think I’m the positive one, the one who’s always so pulled together and calm. When my grades fall apart, my parents think I just don’t work hard enough. Even when I told them about it, they didn’t believe me. They want me to put it in a box and lock it away while I’m studying. They don’t seem to want to understand, and I’m so tired of trying to explain it.

I’m tired of feeling like a failure.

I could see my Dementor’s face sometimes. Bloodshot eyes, glaring icily; grim lips, set in a frown forever; silent sobs swallowed in her throats and venomous thoughts running in her mind. It’s me on my worst state. It’s a part of me only few ever saw, and even fewer understand. Lately it’s been floating up to the surface more and more, making me think of the most horrible thoughts: You’re not good enough. You’ll never make it. No one loves you. You can disappear forever and no one will notice. No one cares.

Writing has been my sanctuary. It heals a part of the pain, but not entirely.

Labels: angst, family, friends, thoughts

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